sound from the soul..

sitting here...surrounded with humans...I hope so.. makes me wonder and think. But god knows what am I thinking about. lolz... sometimes it just wonders as where am I leading? what am I holding unto. life has changed, places have changed so did people and faces, but somewhere deep down within the nervous system and the pumping heart, I still hear the heartbeat that pumps the blood of love, love for somebody who has been teared

apart from my existing survival. dragged myself through 2 years of vigorous pain of missing somebody from my life, and I sit back and think about all the past days, I am so surprised to still have the picture of the only person still so secured rooted deep down my soul. The feeling makes me so serene and happy and at the same time, give me the utter pain. But whatever it is, I know I am lucky to see myself have so much of love for the one person, who can never be back into my life. Ah...this pain, it feels so thrilling that I sometimes think that this thrill someday might take my breath away, along with my soul. Finally I realized that loving somebody so much, with purity, is really a wonderful feeling, a feeling that nobody can detach from you, not even god. shed enough tears, cursed the fate, craved for the warmth and the care from the same old person, but as days pass, I feel my soul been empowered, so much so that I feel I can spend the rest of my life with just the heavenly feeling of so called love for that one particular person.... and I grant a salute to the saying" love doesn't always mean being together". sometime letting go also gives a respectful tag to the feeling...the feeling of love.....Ah as I write these, I can feel the happiness and the smile deep within my  soul.

"I wanna thank you rupak for changing the way I was, for making me realise my mistakes, and thank you for making me love you with all my soul.. I wish you all the love and luck. 

pain............

as i sit down here, i think and feel entangled in the thoughts of you..the thoughts that makes me feel hopeless and uneasy. I can feel my dreams being snatched away and been smashed and i can see the pieces broken and scattered outta my dreams....can see the blood streaming down...streaming down my cheeks...people consider it as tears but I can tell you those are my blood streaming down my eyes..only the colour seems colorless..... People said that I used them,used them to overcome your memories, are they true. those words spoken,directed to my ears,are they true.I sometimes lie down and question to myself, are those words spoken true. I am confused, the question kills me. Because all I know is that I have tried each and every thing to overcome you but nothing in this world has made me successful. So again I ask to myself, are those words spoken actually true???

GOD NANNU ANSWER

is expectation a wrong thing???

when you want support, when you pick up your phone and dial a number and when you want to hear sweet lil words which could wash away even the most ugly experiences of your life, and when out of blue all you can hear at the other end are words that pierces your heart and rips it apart. Why cant there just be love and nothing else in this world?? ...I did the same today...I wanted to hear some sweet words from my guy but all I could get was.......shit
Right now as I sit on this system(my office system) All I can think is about my life that has been jumbled, puzzled. I want to rip it off....want to burn down all the memories that are rooted deep within my heart. It hurts so much to see the person I love the most treat me like a shit.I  just want to shout and tell him"get lost, I cant take the pain anymore....You have no rights hurting me" ....hah!! wwish I could do that, I dunno what is that thing within me that is stopping me. Why does love hurt so much? Why do we have to fall in this shit afterall...when you know what is in store for you?? When I leave this world and reach the warm embrace of my almighty, the first thing I am gonna ask would be" Why Dear GOd why did you create such a thing"love" when it has no worth in the world below!!! But for now till the time I breathe, I have to take the pain in my heart and live my life with the scars that can never heal..the scars that I have have been gifted by the ones I loved and offered my life to. I wish I could have the heart of a guy, wherein I could think of myself before I can think about the other person, in that way might be I would have been able to keep away the sorrow and the grief miles away....I wish !! wish is all I can do, cos watever happens all you can think about is "love". And when you love somebody with your heart out, no matter what all you can think about is "love"

first day on the live call

first day of calling in dell:
hahahahahha....it was all jumbled. but it went good. found almost everybody co-operative....eyes luring you with curiosity as if it was asking you " who are you"...initially there was a lil tiff with the sales coach, but later on, as I had my headset over my ears, I could feel a mixture of nervousness/enthu/eagerness/fear within me... took the first call, there aws a lady over the other end, i could feel my heartbeat with my sales coach dancing over my head...finally i cud finish off the call with no resolution....phew!!!! took a long breathe...logged the case and then got ready with the second call...woo hoo..it was great...the devil(my sales coach) turned out to be a boon for me... guided me throughout the call and I even made a sale of 129 pounds...my first sale in DEll...it felt great to hear the name been announced and felt even more better with a lil embarrasement with all the applauses made for me.WEll As i took the 3rd call, I could feel my inner strenght take over me and could feel a zeal to take more calls and could feel that "Bring it on"....Better hope tomorrow:)